Just call me Negator

I love how when I'm feeling down on myself people around me take it personal. Like when their efforts to cheer me up fail that it's something against them. I'm sorry if everyone saying I look great doesn't always make me feel like it's true. This past week I gave up temporarily because I am frustrated and down on myself. A friend just told me she hadn't weighed herself in 2 weeks, changed her diet slightly, did some working out and when she weighed herself she lost 12 lbs! That's amazing! But you know that feeling you get when someone else has been doing awesome but you haven't? Yeah that little jealous monster . . . it's eating me up inside. I worked out every day for almost 3 weeks and nothing, not a pound. I'm feeling super defeated. Like I equate it to stuff in my life where I've had that feeling, like before I had my son and had miscarriage after miscarriage and everyone around me was getting pregnant. I felt like wow that's so awesome for you but I feel sad for me. It's not that I'm not happy for them I'm just jealous. My sister in law has nicknamed me Negator. I have the worst self loathing problem, I hate how my body is, I hate that I have to work 10 times harder then normal people to see any results, and I hate that I'm stuck. So now I'm at a standstill, wondering what I should do. Part of me knows that the reason I am at this point is because I'm weak, when things get hard and I don't see what I want to happen with my weight loss I give up. Because it's easy. Well it's not working so I may as well stop. I'm doomed to be this weight for the rest of my life is how I feel. My husband keeps trying to cheer me up and it just makes me worse. I don't mean to bring up his weight and how he's never been fat but it's hard. He hates his body, that it's ridden with MD and I understand that but his being skinny isn't only because of his MD, he got his mother's metabolism. How I wish I was "cursed" with the inability to gain weight. Being fat SUCKS! So I just wanted to let you guys know I'm not giving up, I'm just trying to figure out what to do next, because I'm kind of stumped. I'm not stopping because I'm totally done trying, I'm stopping because I quite literally don't know where to go and what to do with my exercise and diet. Obviously what I have been doing hasn't been working. I'm not going to try a fad diet or weird exercise program to see if it works because I'm breastfeeding and that's just not healthy. So I guess I'll let you know what I decide and go from there. If anyone wants to help me out by suggesting things I'm welcome to ideas, maybe someone out in blogger land lives in the area and can coach me through it because alone I'm obviously a lousy coach for myself. Thanks.


Sincerely,

Negator