It's a new day!

Ok so after some praying and pondering on what to do I decided 30 day shred was just not for me BUT I plan on trying a whole bunch of different videos and doing reviews on them for those of you like me who are trying to lose the baby weight or just get in shape and be healthy and I'll give tips on what has worked for me so far exercise and diet wise. Some of us don't have tons of time to workout between kids and housework so I'm going to rent a workout video from Netflix once every couple weeks (depending on if I like it) and I'll post a review.If anyone is interested I joined a site called "My Fitness Pal" http://www.myfitnesspal.com from a recommendation of a friend of mine and it's helping me already keep track of my food and exercise and when I lose weight I can track my weight loss. My e'mail is beeinyourbonnethats@hotmail.com, username: Wannaberedhead for those who want to join and add me as a friend, we can keep track of each other's progress and cheer each other on!

First review I'm starting with is the 30 day shred. I've had this video for months and have started and stopped it but I made it to 3 weeks before giving up on it because it's 20 lbs in 30 days claim is a bunch of hooey! Not that I was looking to lose that much but at least a pound or something? Now don't get me wrong, it is a good workout but anything that claims that much is just a joke. Jillian Michaels the famous Biggest Loser trainer has put together a video with 3 workouts with 3 difficulties. Anyone going in as a beginner will find that even the first one is hard! BUT it's a great workout and she is really good at getting you to push and not give up. If you're serious and push through you will improve in endurance and strength. That being said I did not lose a pound in the 3 weeks I did this workout, I changed my diet and nothing. I know I felt better, my clothes didn't really change as far as I can tell but I did feel my muscles being worked. I am sure lots of people get good results but for me it just wasn't the right workout for me. I think part of my issue is I need more cardio and less toning. After the first 10 days of workout 1 my endurance greatly improved. When I started I had to stop several times in the middle of it to catch my breath but at day 10 I could push through and felt good at the end of that workout. Workout two on the other hand was not as good, I had a really hard time with workout two, she incorporates a lot of pushups and plank position (holding yourself up in kind of a straight push up position and doing stuff with your legs) and that was really hard. I was able to do them but it really hurt and I believe all the up and down actually injured my left ankle slightly. From a lot of other people and reviews I've read this is common, the workout is open for a lot of injury. I never did end up doing workout three because two was hard and never got easier for me. After 3 weeks and no move of the scale I got fed up and stopped. I have started walking for an hour a day and continue with tracking my diet and eating healthier but 30 day shred just wasn't for me. Another unfortunate thing with this dvd is Jillian Michaels gets annoying at about the 3rd day and the workout that you are supposed to do for 10 days straight over and over gets boring too. I found I would turn down the sound and blast my own music and that would help but any video that you are expected to do every day for 10 days straight should have a few options so that it doesn't get boring, just my thought.

Now that that's done, revealing my new workout plan. I am sending in my 30 day shred video and going to exchange it for The Biggest Loser workout, the original first video just to try it out. Once that is done there is a couple other ones I've added to my que on Netflix. I'd like to try Tae Bo, when I was in high school I took a weights/aerobics class where we did Tae Bo and although it was tough at first, by the end of the semester I could do the advanced workout so I am looking forward to that, plus I love Billy Blanks, he's a great instructor and motivator. I plan on the days that I'm waiting for my new dvd to do some videos from the instant download session.

Today's video was 10 minute solutions: Kick boxing cardio. I did three sessions which ramped up my heartrate but at the same time the instructor moved too fast and didn't give enough time to make sure I had the moves down. Granted I know it's only 10 mins so they have to squeeze in as much as they can but still. I felt lost half the time and just did whatever modified move to keep my heartrate up. I also didn't like the fact that the instructor was really built, it worried me that if I did the moves she did I'd end up really bulky, when I only want toning and weight loss. Anywho that's all for today's review. I hope this helps someone and I look forward to my next workout and hopefully seeing results. I hope someone out there in blogger land is motivated by me, I really am trying despite my negativity and belly aching and as soon as I see results I hope it makes others get off the couch. It's hard but we can do it!

Just call me Negator

I love how when I'm feeling down on myself people around me take it personal. Like when their efforts to cheer me up fail that it's something against them. I'm sorry if everyone saying I look great doesn't always make me feel like it's true. This past week I gave up temporarily because I am frustrated and down on myself. A friend just told me she hadn't weighed herself in 2 weeks, changed her diet slightly, did some working out and when she weighed herself she lost 12 lbs! That's amazing! But you know that feeling you get when someone else has been doing awesome but you haven't? Yeah that little jealous monster . . . it's eating me up inside. I worked out every day for almost 3 weeks and nothing, not a pound. I'm feeling super defeated. Like I equate it to stuff in my life where I've had that feeling, like before I had my son and had miscarriage after miscarriage and everyone around me was getting pregnant. I felt like wow that's so awesome for you but I feel sad for me. It's not that I'm not happy for them I'm just jealous. My sister in law has nicknamed me Negator. I have the worst self loathing problem, I hate how my body is, I hate that I have to work 10 times harder then normal people to see any results, and I hate that I'm stuck. So now I'm at a standstill, wondering what I should do. Part of me knows that the reason I am at this point is because I'm weak, when things get hard and I don't see what I want to happen with my weight loss I give up. Because it's easy. Well it's not working so I may as well stop. I'm doomed to be this weight for the rest of my life is how I feel. My husband keeps trying to cheer me up and it just makes me worse. I don't mean to bring up his weight and how he's never been fat but it's hard. He hates his body, that it's ridden with MD and I understand that but his being skinny isn't only because of his MD, he got his mother's metabolism. How I wish I was "cursed" with the inability to gain weight. Being fat SUCKS! So I just wanted to let you guys know I'm not giving up, I'm just trying to figure out what to do next, because I'm kind of stumped. I'm not stopping because I'm totally done trying, I'm stopping because I quite literally don't know where to go and what to do with my exercise and diet. Obviously what I have been doing hasn't been working. I'm not going to try a fad diet or weird exercise program to see if it works because I'm breastfeeding and that's just not healthy. So I guess I'll let you know what I decide and go from there. If anyone wants to help me out by suggesting things I'm welcome to ideas, maybe someone out in blogger land lives in the area and can coach me through it because alone I'm obviously a lousy coach for myself. Thanks.


Sincerely,

Negator

What is the answer?

So today I'm befuddled. I don't understand how I can workout constantly for almost 3 weeks and eat right, drink lots of water and not have the scale move once. I haven't lost a pound, in fact at times I've magically gained weight. What is the key? I don't understand, is there a secret handshake or password that I just don't know. I'm adding in more cardio this week. Planning on walking for an hour straight every day after Spencer gets home from work, I started my own "my fitness pal" and I have a couple friends on there, dropping pounds and yet my scale doesn't move. It's becoming an extra discouraging factor in all this, people keep telling me gauge how your clothes fit, well my clothes don't seem to be fitting any better because I haven't lost any weight. Is it because I'm breastfeeding? is one question I've been wondering as of late. My fitness pal says I should consume 1200 calories a day for my weight loss goal but because I did extra exercise it gives me extra calories that I can consume so I think I was up to around 1776 calories I could take in yesterday which I think is a good amount but I'm not sure if that's what's impeding my weight loss. All I know is it makes things extra discouraging. Like yesterday I kept thinking to myself, knowing me I'd probably lose weight as soon as I started eating crappy again, that would just be my luck. Not that I'm going to experiment with the idea. I just don't understand my body. I am working my butt off quite literally and nothing gives. So if anyone has any insights please share. I really am stumped as to what to do to lose weight.

Day 16 - thoughts on Satan

So I skipped the weekend workouts which typically I'll do Saturday and take a break on the sabbath which isn't too bad right? Two day is way too long! It made it so much harder to do my workout so I'm never doing that again! So there's this dude that always gives me a hard time, his name is Satan and he's a big fat jerk. He's really pushing on me right now, right as I start to see some small results and really stick with a workout he hits me with all he's got. The key is trying to push him out of my head (cuz that's where he sneaks in and lurks waiting for that right moment to hit me with all he's got). Last few days have been frustrating. Father's day weekend we spent time at my in laws on Saturday, I had cut out most of the complex carbs and sugar and was having major withdrawals. Of course for Father's Day my father in law chooses a huge crazy Costco Apple Pie for his special dessert, I resisted surprisingly but I also had to almost bite off my husband's head beforehand. He got a piece and of course had to exclaim "Oh my gosh this is the best pie ever! mmmmm so good!" I responded with "Shut it! Just be quiet please!" It's like a crack addict sitting there with a whole pile of crack and resisting the urge to use and then someone else going "Oh man this crack is awesome! Oh it's the best I've ever had!" ok that may be a little dramatic but that's how it feels for me when I'm in the thick of detox. I itch for it! Anywho so that happened and then next day we went to my parent's for dinner and I was really good until dessert came around again, my dad had picked banana cream pie and my mom had a chocolate and vanilla amazing looking cake. I tried to resist but justified in my head, it's banana, it's healthier then the apple pie from yesterday, I'll just have a small piece and it'll be fine. In the drug addict's head it's like saying: "Well it's not crack it's just a little marijuana, not nearly as bad as that crack from yesterday I resisted so it's all good right?" yeah not so much. . . . I had the pie and it was fine, then my 5 year old asked for a piece of chocolate cake and some ice cream and only ate the ice cream and by the time he did that, his cousins were done theirs so he didn't want to eat it anymore. He then preceded to bring it to me and say "Mommy I'm done, you eat it k?" Stronger me would've said No! I had pie I'm good! But weaker me said "Hey you've already had the pie so you've already messed it up why not do a real good job at it" and that's what I did. Chocolate cake on top of pie and no workout for two days. So yesterday I did really well and worked out extra hard to make up for the missing my workout. Today is feeling discouraging again, I got up early to do my workout and have been stuck on the couch for a couple hours not wanting to do it. Today's internal monologue has been about not seeing huge results and not seeing the scale move at all. He's telling me it's not working and to give up but I know that's a lie and I just gotta convince myself it's worth it to do this workout. He's hitting me hard, I need to hit back. So it's almost 9:00 and I gotta get my kids up which is going to make it even harder to do my workout but that's ok. It will get done today. I can do this!

Debbie Downer Day

I didn't think the whole broken/not broken scale was going to get me as down as it did. I've been working really hard and I feel like it was for nothing. Why would the scale say I gained weight? Or better yet lost it then gained it and then lost it within seconds. Now the scale has pretty much kicked the bucket and stopped working all together so I don't know what to think. It's frustrating because I really want to meet my goal before my brother in law's wedding. I dyed my hair in an attempt to make myself feel better to no avail. My kids are also driving me nuts beating on each other and Corinne won't let me put her down without screaming at me. She finally cut her tooth and I dunno if it's causing her pain anymore but she is super clingy. I feel like locking myself in my room away from them especially Gavin. The child won't be quiet! Their goal most days is to see if they can drive me crazy and it works most of the time. I feel down because I'm getting discouraged about my diet. I don't know what to eat half the time so I eat the same things over and over at nauseum in hopes that I'll lose weight and then when it doesn't happen I don't know what to do. Spencer can tell I'm discouraged and was asking what I felt like eating and it just kept making me mad. I don't mean to take it out on him I'm just frustrated. Why is it that there's some people that can eat whatever they like and still be skinny and then there's people like me that they even look at a chocolate bar or ice cream and gain a couple pounds. It's not fair! All I want is to be healthier and look and feel better but all I end up being is angry at my fat body and flat butt. Vent over sorry I'm just not in a good mood.

2 weeks!

So i've made it two weeks yay! I'm doing ok, this morning I got up again after nursing Corinne and then got the boys up, fed them and then did my workout. It's 9:20am which is awesome! I am usually not done with it this early. I am going to make myself some breakfast and then take a shower. I am sore still, waiting for my muscles to recover and get stronger. 6 more days until workout 3 which I'm dreading, although I hope when I do finally start it that workout 2 is easier like when I did the first workout it got easier. I am convinced my scale is broken or the battery is low because it gives me a new weight every time I step on it. To me that says it's not working. I've been working out and eating better for 2 weeks straight I couldn't possibly have gained weight could I? I pray that's not the case or that I'm gaining muscle and that's what weighs more lol. Either way I did my workout today, this is mostly to record so I don't forget what day I'm on. My friend Annie is starting day 1 tomorrow which is exciting! I'm always glad when I can inspire someone to get healthier while I'm in the process of doing it myself. My friend Amy Nelson is the one who inspired me, she is so fit and in great shape and cheers me on the whole way. I hope one day to be able to run a 5k with my running friends when I get to where I want to be. I can't run worth spit but part of me feels like I could now that my endurance is getting better with the workouts. Anywho keep up the good work anyone who's doing it with me!

Day 13

Started off rocky with a late wake up but I'm going to do my workout in a bit. I'm super sore but that's alright. I decided to try some potty training with Rowan and he's had one accident and then was dry until his nap which means he's really good at holding it. Not so much at going to the potty yet. I am down to 165 again which is cool. Wasn't expecting the drop in weight at all. I looked up yesterday what my ideal BMI and weight would be for someone of my height and it said 150 lbs is the max for a healthy weight which means I only need to lose 15 lbs. I'd like to reach a goal before my brother in law and his girlfriend get married and I'm in pictures of their wedding. Every wedding I have had pics taken I feel like I look good, then I see the pictures and I feel sick. Patricia and Eddy's wedding I looked pretty good because I had a nice girdle and a flattering dress but still felt extra fat. If I can get to a certain weight in 10 weeks that would be awesome! And I could buy myself a new dress to show off my weight loss. To be in a picture in their wedding and feel like I fit in with all of Spencer's skinny sisters would be fabulous! So I made a goal, if I can lose a steady 2 lbs a week that'll be 20 lbs by the time the wedding comes around. I hope I can do it! I'm going to add in a walk in the evening I think and see if that helps burn some more calories. I'm trying to cut some calories because I know I"m not eating as well as I should and drink lots more water! Ok off to do my workout. Wish me luck!

Day 12

I realized I'm writing blogs every day just so I can keep track of which day I'm on. It's a good way to do it and I can get out what I'm feeling on a certain day. The second workout isn't getting any easier but I can make it through it without taking breaks which is good. In the beginning of all this I could barely get through the first circuit of cardio so I'd say that's progress. I haven't been sleeping well lately which I think definitely doesn't help so we ordered a memory foam mattress and it's set to arrive today which is exciting. I can't wait to get to bed at a reasonable hour and enjoy my bed for once. Lately I've felt like I'm sleeping in a sling and it's so uncomfortable. I woke up this morning sore, a good sign that the second workout is working. My delts are the worst, my shoulders and everything from all the planks she has you do are killer but it gives me hope that I will get strong enough in those areas to do a push up. I sat for a long time this morning in the quiet contemplating skipping my workout. Part of me justified it really well but the part that wants to lose weight and get in shape overpowered. I keep telling Spencer I just can't be fat and out of shape anymore. I really have a goal that before we have anymore kids I am going to get in shape and stay in shape even through my next pregnancy. It's sad that the one goal I always have is to not let myself get over 200 lbs with my pregnancy and that's only 30 lbs gained in every one. If I can get myself down to 140 lbs before getting pregnant again and then only top out at 170 ( or less) then I would be ecstatic. Keep cheering me on! I need it! My 2 or 3 followers lol.

Day 11

I woke up early to feed the baby, shortly after Spencer got up to get ready for work and when I finally finished feeding her she fell back asleep. The boys were still in bed and so I took the opportunity to do my workout in a quiet house with no little people under me threatening to get smacked and kicked by my crazy moves. I think I'd like to adapt my schedule to be this way more often. It's totally less stressful and I don't have to stop as often to get things out of the way. I did my 20 mins uninterrupted and then woke them up and can move on with my day. Next step will be to get them all breakfast and then go hop in the shower while the baby is still asleep. I feel nasty and sticky sweaty but it feels good to have it out of the way. The planks in this workout 2 are just killing me but I muscle through them and it feels good to be working my shoulders, arms and everything else for that matter all at once. I'd like to be able to get strong enough shoulders to do an actual push up and so the push up challenge like a  friend of mine did. Kind of hard to imagine being able to do one let alone 100 but if she can do it so can I. If anyone reading this is trying to lose weight like me, I hope your workouts are going well and you're seeing as good of results as I am. I am trying not to get discouraged and keep on working out but it's hard! My internal self doubter and negative body image creeps up every once in a while (I like to call her Negator) and it makes it even harder to want to do it but I keep trying to imagine my body changing and my ideal weight and shape in my mind so that I don't let it stop me. Here's hoping I can make it through the next 19 days!

Day 10!

This morning was really hard to get motivated. The kids were being extra onry, Corinne kept yelling at me to hold her, she doesn't really cry at me unless she's really tired but she gets mad and does this funny yell like she's cussing me out and this morning just about drove me nuts. The boys were in the way of where I usually do my workout so I sat for a while and contemplated skipping my workout, even though I knew I was going to do it because I had already skipped yesterday (the sabbath) and another day last week because I was tired. Spencer went out to the store for a few things and brought me back a Gatorade and kept offering to take the kids upstairs for a bit and watch a movie so I could do my workout which helped a lot. He has been my personal cheerleader which is what I need. Someone standing by saying that they're proud of me because this is REALLY hard! Today was the dreaded Workout 2 switch, super scary! But surprisingly doable. I like that. Definately harder because more push-ups and planks in this one and I have weenie arms, I still can't really do a full push up so I had to follow Anita (the easy moves) and got through it. Today was the day to take pics, I'm doing pics every 5 days to see if there is any difference. I wasn't expecting much but surprisingly I see a big difference. I dunno if I was bloated in the pics before or if it's real results but it's enough to motivate me to follow through and endure to the end. I was feeling discouraged because over the weekend I ate a lot of stuff I shouldn't have but it didn't seem to add any weight so I'm feeling ok now. I dunno if it's just me, tell me what you think? I see a difference in the flatness of my tummy and pooch is a little smaller, from the back I see it smoothing out quite a bit and my lower tummy and love handles seem to have shrunk a little too. Yay! Jillian Michaels is a slave driver but she does what she promises, in a 20 min workout you come out the other end sweating and out of breath and you really feel it the next day. Here's the pictures:

Day 5

Day 10

Road Block Hurdled! AKA: Day 6 of the 30 day shred

Ok so yesterday was my day 5 of the 30 day shred and I'm doing pretty good at it. I'm feeling my endurance go up and my motivation to do it and eat better is getting really good. I rarely eat crap because I remember after I am done my workout why I'm doing it. I decided I'm going to do pictures every 5 days and see if I can see a difference so here is day 5 of 30 day shred pictures:

Surprisingly I'm not as disgusted as I thought I would be, this is a good thing I suppose. Mind you I think it's because I don't feel like I look too bad for having 3 kids. See that shadow on the third picture? I don't know where it came from but I would absolutely love if my stomach was that flat (I can dream right?) I'm currently at about 166/167 lbs which is up from before we had the fire by 2 or 3 lbs so I'm almost back down to where I was. My current goal weight is 140 lbs long term, short term 150 lbs so not too lofty. That's 17 lbs minimum, doesn't seem like a lot but I haven't been below 160 lbs since I think before I graduated high school. So if I can reach that, it'll be a huge thing for me. 

Now onto the road block, Day 6: Now a disclaimer before I start talking about this, I believe anyone who is going to read this is a woman BUT if there is any men out there in blogger land that is reading this I hope you aren't disgusted by women talk and if so you can stop at the last paragraph and move on without losing any of the point of this entry lol. I have been feeling kind of cruddy for the past few days, partly because I had a sore throat and slight cold caught from my germ factory 5 year old and thanks to his preschool class. I thought that's all it was but apparently AF (aunt flo) decided to show up last night while I was sleeping. Now I know that exercising is supposed to help with cramps and all that but heaven knows thinking about working out and exercising while on your cycle just doesn't happen. BUT I did my workout despite her lovely monthly gift so there you have it. I think if I can hurdle that obstacle then I can do the full 30 days. This makes me extremely happy. 6 days down, 24 more days to go!

Back on the bandwagon . . .

Again! This time I'm determined to do at least the 30 days and see how I do. I have had the 30 day shred video for a while now but as most of you know we had an apartment fire and that kind of threw a monkey wrench into my whole diet and exercise program. We were staying with family and I was in charge of dealing with everything to do with the insurance and finding a new place to live and all that and I am a stress eater. Lately I've been feeling really crappy about how I've gained back a bit of weight and when I started to unpack clothes from the move and nothing fit I really had a hard time. I didn't think that 5 or 6 lbs made THAT big of a difference but it really did. So I'm starting over except this time I'm sticking with it. I plan to do the 30 day shred for the full 30 days (today being day 2). We also aquired a Kinect yesterday and I really want to try the Zumba Fitness game because it looks fun and challenging at the same time. I've heard the Dance Central game is really fun and a good workout too so I'm gonna use those to try a few new things, all the while doing the 30 day shred. I think my biggest challenge as of late is getting a good night's rest so that I have the right amount of energy to get moving in the morning. Corinne isn't exactly the greatest sleeper, she wakes at least two times a night to nurse, then Gavin is really sick right now with a cold of some sorts and was up a couple times last night. The stresses of being a mom *sighs*

I was talking about all this with a few friends yesterday about how hard it is some days to even get a shower, let alone get the motivation to get up early, do a workout and shower before the kids wake up. So instead I got myself up when Corinne woke up, threw on my workout gear so that I can't back out, fed her, got Rowan up (because he was awake and Gavin is still out because of  his cold), fed him and now I'm about to do my workout and have some breakfast. I'm sure I won't be as motivated as I am today every day but I can at least try and that's what matters. I need to stop putting me on the backburner because an unhappy mom means an unhappy family. Wish me luck! Back on the bandwagon for good hopefully!