It's coming off slowly . . .

I know they say that a pound a week is healthy and natural for you to lose so I was ok with that but I had made a goal of being to my goal weight and in good shape by the time we go down to Vegas for my sister in law and her fiancee Eddy get married in April. I have been doing really well lately. Cutting out most of the junk out of my diet and I'm really starting to feel good now and the weight is coming off slowly. Some days I step on the scale for curiosity and I'm still the same weight and some days I step on and I've lost half a pound, not too bad. I am guilty of stepping on the scale once a day instead of just letting my clothes be the judge. I need that tangible number to make me feel good about what I'm doing. Color my shocked when I stepped on the scale when I woke up this morning and before I showered and I am down to 167.5 when last weight I was 170! Wow that's pretty good. In fact it's really good! It means I'm a pound and a half from my pre-pregnancy weight with Corinne and that I've almost lost 30 lbs from when I topped out at 196 lbs right before she was born. That feels pretty good. Only issue is I don't want to just be my pre-pregnancy weight. It means I still would have 26 lbs to lose but even that isn't too lofty or hard to imagine losing now that I'm sticking to it.

I actually went to Old Navy yesterday and bought myself some shirts that are in a smaller size for when I lose weight (that's when not if) because I feel like nothing fits me properly and I will have some clothes as goal to fit into. I plan on starting going to bed early which for me is probably 10:00 if the baby will let me and then getting up around 6 and going for a walk. Then at night when the boys are down and heaven help me if Corinne will let me put her down too I will do a workout video from netflix instant download or I am renting Jillian Michael's 30 day shred to try out. I don't know why I didn't think of it before but why spend the money when I can rent and try out multiple videos to keep from getting bored. Just gotta stay motivated. Here's hoping I can get that great bikini body by the time Vegas comes around, or at least a smaller sized cute one peice so I don't feel like I have to wear a big t-shirt over it to keep from everyone staring.

Bad Start to the Day but it did get better :)

Today's day started yet again with a headache and a sugar craving. I hate how I feel when I deal with sugar withdrawals. I am cranky and tired and every sound that my kids make makes me want to scream. I hate that it has such a bad effect on me. Just goes to show how it effects me when I am on it, just like any addiction when you stop having it, it's brutal! BUT silver lining, I got to see my best friend today! Yay! She is 36 weeks pregnant with her third baby and I brought her some stuff for the baby and made her a mini cupcake hat. She has kids that are 4 months older and 4 months younger then my kids (totally a coincidence) but it makes it fun to get together because the kids entertain each other and we get some adult time. It was so fun to hang out at their house and enjoy their company. The other reason today got better is because today was a little bit of a cheat day. I am allowing myself one day a week preferrably Saturday to eat something and not feel guilty. I don't go overboard. I have dinner and cheat. So I had Beau Leg's Fish and Chips, we got the cod and chips with coleslaw and hushpuppies on the side, it was SO good I just wish there was more of it now lol. Spencer and I shared it so we both got two filets and some chips. I so love their food and at this point they are the only reasonably priced fish and chips place that isn't a sit down restaurant  in town. So now I am happy and feel a little physically better. And once the kids are in bed I'm going to attempt to do another work out not sure which yet, I'm going to try to do one of the videos my friend sent me a link to and see what I think. I've actually considered saving up money and buying a kinect just so I can play games where I can physically do them lol. And so that was my day, here's hoping for more days that start out the way mine ended :)

My Sugar Addiction . . .

Today is one of those days where I really want a do-over. Mainly because I'm moody and every word and sound that comes out of my kids and husband's mouth grates on my last nerve. Why you may ask? Because I'm kind of detoxing off of sugar, which is like taking away a drug addict's cocaine. It's BAD! It's especially bad because I have insulin resistance which is a pre-cursor to diabetes so I need to lower my sugar intake because it's the only way to prevent me from getting diabetes and to help me lose weight. I remember the last time I did this and I felt like a psycho and I'm feeling it again. It's so frustrating! I get headaches, I'm irratible and I CRAVE like you wouldn't believe. Some days I feel like I'd do anything for a donut or some chocolate but I try not to give in or if I do I have barely any so I don't lose control. I am a bonafide Sugar Addict, and the first step to beating the addiction is admitting you have a problem. I am not like most people, I can sit down with a pack of oreos and eat the whole thing in one sitting, mainly cuz I have no self control. I have told Spencer on many occasions if he wants to have anything like that, be it soda, cookies, ice cream then don't bring it in the house because it'll disappear really fast. I dont' know why but I just can't. BUT there is a light at the end of this tunnel, once I'm off the sugar I do a lot better about not having it. It's just that initial detox that kills me. Everything that's low sugar or no sugar makes me angry like it's the food's fault for not having sugar in it. It makes no sense that an inanimate object like this would make me so mad but it does. So for now I will just drink more water and eat my sugar free foods and hopefully in the next week or so my body will get used to the idea that I am not going to be eating much sugar for my own health. And maybe I won't kill my kids and husband . . . Maybe. Saying lots of prayers today because I feel HORRIBLE.

Dear Skinny Husband . . .

I know you think you're helping when you ask me if "I'm sure I want to eat that" or "have you done your workout today" but it really doesn't help. Spencer tends to get pretty angry at me when I know he's trying to encourage me to keep going but all I hear is harpings from the skinniest, never been fat in his life person. It doesn't really do a whole lot for me. When I say skinniest I mean skinniest. My husband is 6'1" and 140 lbs soaking wet. Has never been fat in his life and in my head I know he'll never be fat ever. He was blessed with his mother's metabolism and burns calories tapping his foot. He can pretty much eat whatever he wants and in turn we eat lousy. Until now! I love my husband don't get me wrong he's just not what I feel is the best coach for keeping me going. If anyone wants to help me with my weight loss please let me know, I would love people cheering me on and giving me tips. Just not you Spencer . . . again I love you *smiles*

The All Dreaded BEFORE Picture . . . Dun Dun Dun!!

Here it is. At 170 lbs in all it's lumpy frumpy glory my "Before" isn't it purdy? I try to take a before pic so I can see the difference as I go along. I also try to make myself look as aweful as I can and then take it so that the difference will be amazing when I post my goal weight picture. Clever no? I always notice that that is what they do on the infomercials. Look how aweful and fat I was *insert picture with double chin, belly sticking out as far as you can push it, most unflattering stance, no make up and hair unkept looking like they just crawled out of bed* and then the after where their hair and make up is done, standing up straight and wearing the best clothes they have like woah what a difference! In reality it's probably them at the same weight photoshopped and wearing a girdle with a professional hair stylist. One of these times I'd love to see an infomercial that is honest about the weight loss like instead of it being at the bottom of the screen *actual result may vary and are not typical* Hmmm that helps me want to buy that exercise video. . .

Someday I will come up with my own ideal infomercial where the people have before pictures where they don't look like crap but you can still see the difference and the disclaimer at the bottom will say something like this.

*Results are pretty typical but they do vary and if you don't keep up at it you will end up fat and lazy and have no energy so stop watching this informercial and get your dumpy butt off the couch and do your workout video*

Yeah that's the type of video I'd buy :)

Letting it all Hang out . . .

So here we go, I was taking a shower this morning and every day I've started stepping on the scale in the morning (i know bad thing to do but I do it anyway) just to see if I've lost anymore weight. I just had a baby a few months ago and now I'm feeling the need to get into really good shape, I know everyone has a resolution to lose weight and I've lost weight in the past but not as much as I'd like to. Plus losing weight is different then getting in shape in my opinion, you can be skinny but not be in good shape so I'd like to be both. My goal at this point isn't a lofty one and I'm well on my way with losing a pound or so a week. I know what I have to do but it's getting the motivation to do it.

First step I took towards my weight loss goal was to borrow P90X from a friend. So here's what I was thinking when I did this *in my head* Yeah I've seen the infomercials and it looks like it would work really really well. I'm gonna go for it! Skip ahead to after trying to do the first workout and only getting halfway through because the baby was crying to be fed *in my head again* oh crap I can't even do one pushup that's not going to work what the frack was I thinking?! skip ahead to me eating a donut and giving up yet again.

No just kidding I've actually been doing good on eating well. I lost another pound and a half this morning so I was feeling good. Then I washed my jeans and tried to put them on (size 12) and I had to do the "dance of shame" just to get them done up. Seriously?! Skip ahead to me digging through my laundry on the hunt for my girdle. *insert major sad face here* So I squeeze my non existant butt into the girdle which has two, count them TWO peices: One called a Kymaro (don't know if that's how you spell it)

This is to suck in the unsightly back roll/back "boob" if you were that I affectionately call the "bread basket" that has formed in my upper back region. Next is the second piece of my object of girdley affection the giant underboob knee length corset to suck in my muffin top region and my cottage cheese thighs. This wonderful contraption is meant to suck it all in and make everything smooth. 

Now remember this is supposed (note I said supposed) to suck everything in and make everything look better. Well this morning after digging through the laundry in my room and finding it and squishing everything into it, I put on my pants and I still had to dance to get in them and I still had a little bit of a muffin top. How sad is that? That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Not that long ago I thought I looked pretty good for having three kids and in reality I'm pretty sure I'm doing good in that aspect but I want to look and feel better. So lets get on with it!

Not that long ago I was called to teach the 12 year old girls in Young Women's at church. I loved it! Not only was it fun but the other leaders  were such good friends to me and it was so much fun, except for shortly before I was called I got pregnant. All the other leaders are athletes and/or slim and cute and fashionable and I felt like huge fatty frump girl. Try as I might I felt fat and out of shape as I went through my pregnancy and was later released after I had my baby but I still remain friends with them all of course. I look at these few ladies and I want that! I wanna be cute and skinny and in really good shape and feel good about myself, instead of avoiding the mirror like if I look in it I will magically gain another pound or see what my body looks like. I wanna feel like my clothes fit good instead of settling for them fitting.

My goal isn't lofty, I'd like to lose 30 lbs at this point. I weighed myself this morning and I was 170 so goal weight 140 lbs and I'm 5'5". Not too bad right? I can do this right? So here we go. A place to vent how I feel and let it all hang out quite literally. Out of the girdle never to return again I hope . . .