New round

Starting weight: 177.4 lbs
Day 3: 175 lbs (-2.4 lbs)
Day 4: 173.2 lbs (-4.2 lbs)
Day 5: 172.2 lbs (-5 lbs)
Day 6: 172.2 lbs (same)
Day 7: 173.5 lbs ( +1.3 lbs)
Day 8:

Getting past roadblocks

I am on day 11 and doing fairly well, weight is coming down slowly but its still coming down. I just realized how far I've come. My whole family has done wonderfully on HcG especially my Uncle Bob who is the first person we saw the results and can't believe how awesome it's been for him. To tell you the truth, HcG has saved my family's lives. Uncle Bob is an amazing person but every time I saw him in the past I was really worried about him. He had (notice I said had) sleep apnea, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol and all around just couldn't do anything. He would become winded when he came up the stairs and sweating with little exercise. I was really worried about him. His wife Shan is the opposite but had a health scare which made it so she could no longer exercise without losing her breath. They found a tumor the size of your fist in her sternum area that was wrapped around her windpipe and attached to her thyroid. After surgery to remove it, it turned out to be non cancerous thank goodness but she had gained quite a bit of unwanted weight and found the HcG diet which both her and Bob decided to do. She has gotten back to her healthy weight and self and on top of it Bob lost 70 lbs! He has reduced all his meds, I haven't asked him but I'm sure his apnea and hypertension are better and he is walking/running half marathons and exercising all the time. I am so proud of them both! 

After seeing their success my older sister Shannon who has had many downs and situations where she had gained a lot of weight decided she needed to do this for herself to get healthy and feel better about herself. My dad said he would do it with her as support and together they have lost a lot of weight. My Dad lost 47 lbs and has had to buy all new clothes. He looks amazing! My older sister is still in the process of losing but last time I talked to her she has lost 43 lbs! I saw her after church the other day and she had this cute dress and you can just see her confidence and when I asked where she got her dress she told me and said it was a size medium :) I almost cried. So amazing!

It's a trickle effect: After seeing their success I started HcG and have lost 30 lbs total and am at my smallest I've been since I think before I got married and had 3 kids. I'm still looking to lose around 17 more lbs for my goal weight but I'm getting there and every day it comes off. I feel amazing!

This has trickled down to my older sister Erin. Now Erin has had a huge struggle in the past 4 years and that has equaled to gaining more then she ever thought she would gain. I have been talking her through all her struggles which included losing two pregnancies in late gestation which one is hard but two was just heart wrenching. If that wasn't hard adding in her husband who already has two degrees in teaching deciding that the work just wasn't there and he needed to go back to school in a totally different field was hard but she was so supportive and they both jumped in with two feet. All the stress and sacrifice she gained a lot. I won't say how much but for her 5'3" frame it was obese and way more for her frame to carry but with all the loss and sacrifice she carried it and kept her family going. Both her and her husband Graham have finally come out of school with a great job for Graham and things are going up so they decided to try HcG for themselves as well and its amazing the results they have had so far. Graham so far has lost 48.2 lbs (still wanting to lose more) and Erin has hit the 40 lbs lost mark. She has over 120 lbs to lose total so 40 lbs is a lot but still small compared to the big picture. I think the biggest thing for Erin is finding herself. She has sent me pics as she's lost and every picture her face changes. The first two you could feel her shame and uncomfortable feeling like I hate taking these pictures because I feel awful and fat. The latest picture you can see the glimmer of hope and a little smirk like things are getting better and that she's refinding herself. I can't wait to see her final picture, she is one of my favorite people and inspires me every day with her strength. 

I am hoping through seeing all our success that my younger sister who has had even more struggles over the years decides she wants to join us. I love her and want to see her healthy and happy so she can take care of her special little family. We will see and I will update if/when she decides to do it. 

I am excited for our family to take family pictures when we reach our goals and can finally have a happy healthy picture to post on my mom's wall of pictures. So much better then the ones when we were heavier. Here's to a happy and healthy new year this year! 

Round Three Weight

Day 3 after Fat Load: 164.4 lbs
Day 4: 160.1 lbs
Day 5: 159.6 lbs
Day 6: 158 lbs
Day 7: 157.8 lbs
Day 8: 159. 2 lbs
Day 9: 157.8 lbs
Day 10: 156.6 lbs
Day 11: 155.8 lbs
Day 12: 

Rewind and start again. . .

That was fun lets do it again! And this time with more feeling! :) Christmas and New Years was rough, last round was pretty much a fail. I lost 12 lbs or so but gained it all back over Christmas and New Years which I pretty much expected to happen so I'm not too sad. It's time to get back on track now. This morning I feel like garbage, detox headaches and crankiness aside, I feel pretty good and ready to reach my final weight loss goal which is to be 140 lbs. I got as low as 152.2 lbs the last fake round lol. It didn't stay that way very long before I was back up in weight. Hopefully it'll come back off rather quickly this time and I can get to where I want to be. Wish me luck that I make it through the next couple days without being a total bear. Lets do this!

30 lbs!

I officially broke the 30 lbs lost mark yesterday. Its an amazing feeling knowing I've come this far and am so close to the end! I am so excited for a new me that feels good and has energy and all around just has a better outlook on life. No more fat suit! Now here's a comparison photo. What a difference 30 lbs makes! As of this morning I have 14.4 lbs until my goal of 140 lbs. I might have to wait until the new year to finish up reaching that goal but I love feeling like I will look fabulous for my family pictures and NOT the fat one this time. Here's to an awesome new me and you! Are you giving yourself the gift of health this Christmas? I know I am!

Weight - Round 2

Day 1 and 2: Fat Loads
Day 3: 163.8 lbs
Day 4: 162 lbs
Day 5: 158.8 lbs
Day 6: 157.6 lbs
Day 7: 157.4 lbs
Day 8: 156.4 lbs
Day 9: 156.2 lbs
Day 14: 154.4 lbs
Day 15: 154 lbs
Day 16: 153.4 lbs
Day 17: 152.8 lbs

Day One of Round 2

The last couple of days I have done my fat load for round 2. Time to get started on new pictures and weight.

Starting weight: 163.8 lbs after fat load
Goal Weight after 21 days: 140 lbs
Total Goal Weight Loss: 23.8 lbs (may change depending on how I feel about my weight as I go)

 Front View

 

Side View

 

Back View

Round 1 Round Up!

I just realized that I finished my first round of HcG without posting pictures or giving my final weight. I am starting my first day of very low calorie diet again so I guess I should do that.

Starting Weight: 185.6 lbs
Round One Final Weight: 161.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 23.8 lbs

I had gotten down to 160.8 lbs but as I went through maintenance my body liked to stay at 161.8 lbs which was fine I adjusted my lowest weight all together to keep a consistent weight for my Lowest Weight.

Now on to pictures! This is my favorite because it's quite the difference.

Proof of my lowest weight

Front View

Side View

Back View

And one final picture to show the difference. I remember wearing this dress to my brother in law's wedding and I was totally self conscious wearing it, it was super tight and the buttons pulled. I slipped it on when I reached this first goal and it fit perfectly. I have never felt so pretty. Loving the results and can not wait to show the final results when I reach my goal.

Measurement update!

Because I haven't done measurements in a while I wanted to see how much has come off on that front.

Measurements

Neck 14.5"
Left arm 12"
Right arm 12"
Chest (above) 39.5"  
Bust 40"  
Rib cage 34.5"
Waist 37"  
Stomach 44"
Hips 45"  
Right thigh 24.5"  
Left thigh 24.5"

Day 9
Neck 14"
Right Arm 12"
Left Arm 12"
Chest (Above) 35"
Bust 37.5"
Rib Cage 31.5"
Waist 36"
Stomach 41"
Hips 42.5"
Right Thigh 22"
Left Thigh 22"
Total Inches Lost:  26.5"

Day 14
Neck 13.5"
Right Arm 12"
Left Arm 12"
Chest (Above) 34"
Bust 36.5"
Rib Cage 32"
Waist 34.5"
Stomach 40"
Hips 41"
Left Thigh 21"
Right Thigh 21"
Total Inches Lost: 8.5"

Day 28
Neck 13.5"
Right Arm 12"
Left Arm 12"
Chest Above 33.5"
Bust 36"
Rib Cage 31"
Waist 33"
Stomach 39"
Hips 40"
Left Thigh 20"
Right Thigh 20"
Total Inches Lost: 7.5"

Week 4 Results!

Day One: 185.6 lbs
Day Twenty Eight: 168.4 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 17.2 lbs

Front View

 Side View 

Back View

 

I lost my orange sports bra somewhere wishing I knew where it was so that it was the same outfit but my black will have to do for now. Big difference from the first picture as far as tummy and thighs go and back fat. It's slowing down as I reach the twenty pound weight loss mark. Can't wait to see my love handles shrink more but loving the pictures so far. 

Week 3 Results! (doing the happy dance)

Day One: 185.6 lbs
Day Twenty One: 169.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 15.8 lbs

Front View

Side View (my favorite ahhh!)

Back View

I am totally blown away with how amazing this is working. I feel really good, can wear my size 12 jeans comfortably and not a lot more muffin top which feels amazing. I plan to do up to 43 days and see how much weight will come off and then take a break. It feels good to finally be reaching my goal and finally getting that "after" picture. Yay!

Week 2 Results!

Day One: 185.6 lbs
Day Fourteen: 172.8 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 12.8 lbs

Front View

 

Side View

 Back View

Week one results!

Day One: 185.6 lbs
Day Eight: 177 lbs
Total Weight Loss: 6.2 lbs

Front View

 

Side View

 Back View

So far I see a good amount of results and am really pleased. Here's hoping it keeps up and continues to come off. Love it!

Stats day by day

Just a place to record my stats day to day, I will probably take a new picture either once a week or once every two weeks.

Fat load weight gain: 185.6 lbs
Day 3: 183.2 lbs
Day 4: 181.6 lbs
Day 5: 180 lbs
Day 6: 178.2 lbs
Day 7: 178.2 lbs
Day 8: 177.8 lbs
Day 9: 176.8 lbs
Day 10: 175.6 lbs = 10 lbs in 10 days!!! <3
Day 11: 174.8 lbs
Day 12: 174.8 lbs
Day 13: 173.6 lbs
Day 14: 172.8 lbs
Day 15: 172.8 lbs
Day 16: 172.8 lbs (apple day)
Day 17: 171.6 lbs
Day 18: 172.8 lbs
Day 19: 171.6 lbs
Day 20: 169.8 lbs (Broke the 170 barrier finally!)
Day 21: 169.8 lbs
Lost track of weight . . .
Day 28: 167.9 lbs
Day 29: 166.4 lbs



Measurements

Neck 14.5"

Left arm 12"

Right arm 12"

Chest (above) 39.5"

Bust 40"

Rib cage 34.5"

Waist 37"

Stomach 44"

Hips 45"

Right thigh 24.5"

Left thigh 24.5"

Day 9
Neck 14"
Right Arm 12"
Left Arm 12"
Chest (Above) 35"
Bust 37.5"
Rib Cage 31.5"
Waist 36"
Stomach 41"
Hips 42.5"
Right Thigh 22"
Left Thigh 22"
Total Inches Lost:  26.5"

Day 14
Neck 13.5"
Right Arm 12"
Left Arm 12"
Chest (Above) 34"
Bust 36.5"
Rib Cage 32"
Waist 34.5"
Stomach 40"
Hips 41"
Left Thigh 21"
Right Thigh 21"
Total Inches Lost: 8.5"

Take two, or three, or four

Alright I never made it past day 20, I kind of think I knew it would happen. But I did find something new. I decided that working out too hard and not focusing on nutrition as much wasn't working as the scale stayed the same and I lost a few inches but not enough to help motivate me. So we're going to try something different.

I am not a fan of fad diets because lets face it they just don't work with my broken body. My uncle Bob and Aunt Shan started and completed several cycles of the HcG diet and my Uncle lost almost 80 lbs! Now I had to take a look at it. Its concept is to use HcG to make your Hypothalamus break up fat and put it into the blood stream and then metabolize it. With the HcG you can sustain a 500 calorie diet without feeling hungry or tired because it forces your body to use the fat store you already have.

The first two days though you do what they call a fat load. Eat as much fatty food as you can in the first two days. I thought to myself hey I can do that! Well turns out I haven't really eaten fatty foods in a long time and its REALLY hard! My body just isn't used to it. I ate a cheese omelet with two pieces of toast and an apple pie for breakfast and I got such an upset stomach. I knew this was going to be hard but I will complete it and get to the more strict part easy. I really hope this works and then once I reach my goal then I can work out to maintain it.

Starting weight before Fat Load: 185.6 lbs
Weight Loss Goal: 150 lbs
Total Weight Loss Goal: 35.6 lbs

Before:

 

Can't wait to show my awesome results! Wish me luck! 

Adding in so I don't forget, my weight after Fat Loading is 185.6 lbs. On to the real weight loss!

My First Break Down . . . What I like to call "The 15 Day Give Up"

I have been posting on Facebook but haven't really used this blog in a really long time. Today in particular I really  need to write down how I'm doing to show how far I've come. I am on the third week of Turbo Fire with Chalene Johnson and oh man is it hard but to this point I've been able to follow the schedule without problem. I've lost some inches (nothing super substantial but still good).

Now the reason for the title. I am famous for the 15 day give up. I did the 30 day shred twice or attempted it at least and only made it 15 days both times. I am finding I hit that point and then don't see the huge results I would like and I give up discourage and mentally blocked. I know most of the time it's all mental, my body can physically do it but my brain just gets defeated and therefore I totally give up. And guess what? today I'm creeping up on the 15 day mark.

Today was the first day that I physically just couldn't do what I wanted to with my workout. I was really pushing it, doing the High Intensity Interval Training 15 minute video and they do what is called a "fire drill" and I got through the first and started to almost hyperventilate I was so out of breath. I broke down, stopped the video and started bawling. I am very Type A and when there's something I want to be able to do but can't I get really  mentally blocked. I hit a wall, tried to calm myself down but just needed a good cry. Spencer tried to encourage me which was sweet but for some reason with him its hard to feel it. I know he's trying but when people who are skinny and never have to work a day to stay that way I just feel like they don't know how hard this is. Not his fault of course and I don't want him to stop encouraging me because it helps, it really does but at the moment I just couldn't use it to motivate me, in fact it made me more mad. Again not his fault just my mental state at the time.

I've joined a couple groups as of late on Facebook and so I got on two of them and posted about how I needed help because I am just so defeated and I loved the responses I got. One of them reminded me of a quote that I heard in a talk at church one Sunday. I believe it was from my friend Amy Nelson. It went along the lines of "In life there are going to be big boulders in our way (obstacles) you can either think of them as road blocks or stepping stones up to where you want to be." I may have totally misquoted but it was something along those lines.

Tracey, the woman in my group said this: "It is hard, but totally doable! And you're right, all you can do is try and only you know if you are putting in 100% of your effort. I climbed a waterfall in Jamaica when I was over 300 lbs and after the second slippery rock I wanted to turn back, but that wasn't an option. So I just focused on the next rock I needed to climb, and once I was on that rock I focused on the next. I did that about a billion times, and before I knew it I was at the top of the waterfall. That experience was a good lesson for me on how to take things one step at a time. Just get through today's workout, that is the only slippery rock you need to focus on right now. YOU CAN TOTALLY DO THIS!!! :):):)"

I start bawling when I read it because it helped me get up, brush myself off, wipe away the tears and do it. I did my workout after such a mental block I felt like I just couldn't do it. And I feel AWESOME! All the women are so encouraging in my group and I hope to be able to get past the 15 day mark and finish the full 20 weeks. That in itself would just be a HUGE accomplishment for me. I need to do this and I want that "After" picture once and for all. If you read this far I hope this helps you too. Thanks!

 

Some Tips I am Finding Helpful . . .

A few tips from the Skinny Rules that I am using today that are so awesome, I figured I'd share:

1. Writing everything down. From taking my vitamins, to eating a meal, to the exercise I write down the time I did it. Also helps to remind me to eat snacks and all that.

2. Set an alarm on my phone to remind me to eat meals and snacks. I am the worst about eating snacks especially and letting time lapse on meals so I am eating lunch at like 2:30 or 3:00 in the afternoon.

3. A great tip for making sure you drink enough water: I got a plastic pitcher with a tap on it from Walmart earlier this year (I actually bought two but one was Large and one was small) I used the small one, measured out the 8 1/2 ozs I needed to drink of water put it in, then sliced up a whole lemon into slices and threw those in, put it in the fridge and made a goal of drinking the whole thing by the end of the day. I don't know about you but I hate drinking so much water and unless it's cold it tastes gross to me, a little lemon for flavor and voila! If you are going to be out and about grab an empty water bottle and fill it from the tap and it's nice and cold.

4. Have snacks already made, pre-measure and make up snacks so that they are ready to grab and eat when your alarm goes off. Slice up fruit like strawberries and measure a cup. Ziploc has these fun litttle snack sized baggies that you can pre-measure and bag up those things so you can grab and go.

5. Make working out fun by calling it playtime. After breakfast this morning the boys and Corinne and I went on a walk with the stroller. Gavin rode his bike. We have a loop around a water catchment that is good for a dog park. I had Gavin ride behind me and play "chase" to see how fast he could go and keep me going at a good pace. I went around 3 times and then Gavin didn't want to ride anymore so we went and got my exercise balance ball and the boys rolled and kicked that in the field/catchment and we were out playing for an hour! I didn't even realize we had been outside that long until my alarm for snacktime went off. Making exercise fun helps you forget how long you're going for.

6. Taking prenatal vitamins and Flaxseed Oil capsules: ok so this isn't necessarily from the book but it's a good thing to practice. I have been breastfeeding and haven't taken prenatals despite the fact that my body really needs the extra vitamins to help with what Corinne is taking from me. I also have been researching that flaxseed or flaxseed oil is good for balancing your insulin levels. I have PCOS and insulin resistance so anything that can help with this is great for me. I also read that while breastfeeding taking flaxseed oil can add some much needed fat to your milk supply for your baby so it's a win/win situation with it. 

The Skinny Rules

So a friend of mine recommended a book to me called the flat belly diet book and I had looked up some stuff from it the other day and started making a list of foods I should be eating and snacks to get to replace my horrible habit of eating processed sugary snacks. I went grocery shopping yesterday with the intention of buying better and then picking up said book from Fred Meyers to find that they didn't have it and all they had was the diabetic's version in hard cover for way more then I wanted to spend. So I sat and stared at the books for a while and a book caught my eye called "The Skinny Rules, The 101 Secrets Every Skinny Girl Knows" I opened it up and instantly fell in love with the style of the book and it's no nonsense approach on how to do things a skinny girl would and lose weight and feel better. First rule "Believe you can be skinny" well that is pretty straight forward and funnily enough I hadn't even thought about doing that! The first rule talks about changing your attitude, if you have a defeatist's attitude you're going to defeat yourself. You have to believe you can be skinny before you will be. When I start looking back the reason I stopped working out and eating good was because I wasn't seeing the results I wanted and my attitude wasn't the greatest around the time I gave up. What's funny though is since I gave up I've actually lost a couple pounds eating like crap and not exercising as I predicted. I haven't really been eating THAT bad but I haven't been watching what I eat as closely and definitely am not breaking my back working out like I was and I'm seeing more results. I wonder why that is? Skip to skinny rule number 16: Splurge every day, reason: it helps to curb your cravings, making you less likely to let your craving build up to an uncontrollable binge. I know this is me! To a T! Plus it says think of it this way, if someone tells you that you can't have something, it makes you want it even more right? So those people who deprive themselves and say they can't have it want it more! Even if you really didn't want it at all in the first place, the junk foods or things you aren't supposed to eat become more desirable. I also like the rules: Get in the driver's seat and call on a co-pilot. Take control of your life, weight and health and get someone to help you (one person or a full on car full lol) Add family members and friends to your car as your co-pilots and call on them when you are having a tough time staying motivated when trying to lose weight. This is where you guys come in, you've seen my alter ego Negator. She is a mean old lady and turns everything into drama and makes me give up. When you see Negator slip in I need you guys to give me encouraging words, even if it's "don't give up! you can do this! I believe in you!" you have no idea how much that helps me when I get down in the dumps. Today is a new start, I'm going to follow rule number 28 "Play the pounds away" instead of thinking of exercise as I'm working out, I'm going to think of it as playing. Kids don't go to a playground or run around outside and go ok I'm going to workout for 30 mins, they just play. So this morning the game plan is to take the younger two kids and put them in a stroller and go for a walk with Gavin riding his bike and just enjoy being outside. It's just a walk, for fun! Because if I think of it as Work then I won't enjoy it right? Here's hoping changing the way I think about things will help me even more. Wish me luck!

It's a new day!

Ok so after some praying and pondering on what to do I decided 30 day shred was just not for me BUT I plan on trying a whole bunch of different videos and doing reviews on them for those of you like me who are trying to lose the baby weight or just get in shape and be healthy and I'll give tips on what has worked for me so far exercise and diet wise. Some of us don't have tons of time to workout between kids and housework so I'm going to rent a workout video from Netflix once every couple weeks (depending on if I like it) and I'll post a review.If anyone is interested I joined a site called "My Fitness Pal" http://www.myfitnesspal.com from a recommendation of a friend of mine and it's helping me already keep track of my food and exercise and when I lose weight I can track my weight loss. My e'mail is beeinyourbonnethats@hotmail.com, username: Wannaberedhead for those who want to join and add me as a friend, we can keep track of each other's progress and cheer each other on!

First review I'm starting with is the 30 day shred. I've had this video for months and have started and stopped it but I made it to 3 weeks before giving up on it because it's 20 lbs in 30 days claim is a bunch of hooey! Not that I was looking to lose that much but at least a pound or something? Now don't get me wrong, it is a good workout but anything that claims that much is just a joke. Jillian Michaels the famous Biggest Loser trainer has put together a video with 3 workouts with 3 difficulties. Anyone going in as a beginner will find that even the first one is hard! BUT it's a great workout and she is really good at getting you to push and not give up. If you're serious and push through you will improve in endurance and strength. That being said I did not lose a pound in the 3 weeks I did this workout, I changed my diet and nothing. I know I felt better, my clothes didn't really change as far as I can tell but I did feel my muscles being worked. I am sure lots of people get good results but for me it just wasn't the right workout for me. I think part of my issue is I need more cardio and less toning. After the first 10 days of workout 1 my endurance greatly improved. When I started I had to stop several times in the middle of it to catch my breath but at day 10 I could push through and felt good at the end of that workout. Workout two on the other hand was not as good, I had a really hard time with workout two, she incorporates a lot of pushups and plank position (holding yourself up in kind of a straight push up position and doing stuff with your legs) and that was really hard. I was able to do them but it really hurt and I believe all the up and down actually injured my left ankle slightly. From a lot of other people and reviews I've read this is common, the workout is open for a lot of injury. I never did end up doing workout three because two was hard and never got easier for me. After 3 weeks and no move of the scale I got fed up and stopped. I have started walking for an hour a day and continue with tracking my diet and eating healthier but 30 day shred just wasn't for me. Another unfortunate thing with this dvd is Jillian Michaels gets annoying at about the 3rd day and the workout that you are supposed to do for 10 days straight over and over gets boring too. I found I would turn down the sound and blast my own music and that would help but any video that you are expected to do every day for 10 days straight should have a few options so that it doesn't get boring, just my thought.

Now that that's done, revealing my new workout plan. I am sending in my 30 day shred video and going to exchange it for The Biggest Loser workout, the original first video just to try it out. Once that is done there is a couple other ones I've added to my que on Netflix. I'd like to try Tae Bo, when I was in high school I took a weights/aerobics class where we did Tae Bo and although it was tough at first, by the end of the semester I could do the advanced workout so I am looking forward to that, plus I love Billy Blanks, he's a great instructor and motivator. I plan on the days that I'm waiting for my new dvd to do some videos from the instant download session.

Today's video was 10 minute solutions: Kick boxing cardio. I did three sessions which ramped up my heartrate but at the same time the instructor moved too fast and didn't give enough time to make sure I had the moves down. Granted I know it's only 10 mins so they have to squeeze in as much as they can but still. I felt lost half the time and just did whatever modified move to keep my heartrate up. I also didn't like the fact that the instructor was really built, it worried me that if I did the moves she did I'd end up really bulky, when I only want toning and weight loss. Anywho that's all for today's review. I hope this helps someone and I look forward to my next workout and hopefully seeing results. I hope someone out there in blogger land is motivated by me, I really am trying despite my negativity and belly aching and as soon as I see results I hope it makes others get off the couch. It's hard but we can do it!

Just call me Negator

I love how when I'm feeling down on myself people around me take it personal. Like when their efforts to cheer me up fail that it's something against them. I'm sorry if everyone saying I look great doesn't always make me feel like it's true. This past week I gave up temporarily because I am frustrated and down on myself. A friend just told me she hadn't weighed herself in 2 weeks, changed her diet slightly, did some working out and when she weighed herself she lost 12 lbs! That's amazing! But you know that feeling you get when someone else has been doing awesome but you haven't? Yeah that little jealous monster . . . it's eating me up inside. I worked out every day for almost 3 weeks and nothing, not a pound. I'm feeling super defeated. Like I equate it to stuff in my life where I've had that feeling, like before I had my son and had miscarriage after miscarriage and everyone around me was getting pregnant. I felt like wow that's so awesome for you but I feel sad for me. It's not that I'm not happy for them I'm just jealous. My sister in law has nicknamed me Negator. I have the worst self loathing problem, I hate how my body is, I hate that I have to work 10 times harder then normal people to see any results, and I hate that I'm stuck. So now I'm at a standstill, wondering what I should do. Part of me knows that the reason I am at this point is because I'm weak, when things get hard and I don't see what I want to happen with my weight loss I give up. Because it's easy. Well it's not working so I may as well stop. I'm doomed to be this weight for the rest of my life is how I feel. My husband keeps trying to cheer me up and it just makes me worse. I don't mean to bring up his weight and how he's never been fat but it's hard. He hates his body, that it's ridden with MD and I understand that but his being skinny isn't only because of his MD, he got his mother's metabolism. How I wish I was "cursed" with the inability to gain weight. Being fat SUCKS! So I just wanted to let you guys know I'm not giving up, I'm just trying to figure out what to do next, because I'm kind of stumped. I'm not stopping because I'm totally done trying, I'm stopping because I quite literally don't know where to go and what to do with my exercise and diet. Obviously what I have been doing hasn't been working. I'm not going to try a fad diet or weird exercise program to see if it works because I'm breastfeeding and that's just not healthy. So I guess I'll let you know what I decide and go from there. If anyone wants to help me out by suggesting things I'm welcome to ideas, maybe someone out in blogger land lives in the area and can coach me through it because alone I'm obviously a lousy coach for myself. Thanks.


Sincerely,

Negator